see http://www.dhammastudygroup.org/audio for more audio
4 June, morning
A.Sujin: You have many friends who can answer your questions. *laughs*
A.Sujin: yesterday and he was talking about, we were talking about metta or friendliness, and in the meditations centre she was talking about how the metta or love and kindness for oneself, .. so what it actually is attachment for oneself, already where one expects attachment for oneself, but I think it is a common way of thinking or teaching and even I think, like if we go to see some counselors, or advisor, in Australia, they would all also say that you need to have more respect or more love for oneself. Which you like to have more understanding?
Woman 1: yes, I suppose. I am trying to understand, the idea about the respect, so worth, um, because, because, I feel at the moment that, I have struggles with accepting who I am and myself worth, and wondering how that fix in with the idea of non self and, um, because I, when you talk about the attachment to oneself and there is already enough love for oneself, I think you, I don’t really understand, how I am attached to myself when I don’t feel like that.
A.Sujin: Is there attachment to oneself now.
Woman 1: I think there is.
A.Sujin: Just think its not enough, it must be very precise to really understand any word we are talking about. Like self or oneself, is there a I or self at this moment? Or not at all?
Woman 1: I, I think there is..
A.Sujin: Just think. So its not precise?
Woman 1: Umm
A.Sujin: Whats the I at this moment? see
Woman 1: yes there is.
A.Sujin: so is it just the I there, and just thinking about everything like we used to think like this and that. But actually there can be more understanding about whatever appears now. Not just think about it. Are you friendly now? See. Now think about friendliness. But now, are you friendly? *laughs*
Woman 1: I don’t know that. *laughs*
A.Sujin: yes I know. So people talk about friendliness. Having more and more friendliness. But what is it? See. Without understanding, that we are talking about its impossible to know more, further more about that. So what is the self now? If you think that you are not clinging to yourself. Now. Or are you.
Woman 1: Yes I think.
A.Sujin: *laughs* to what? What is this self that you are clinging to?
Woman 1: Umm, having to be in certain way?
A.Sujin: Like now? No you or you? *laughs*
Woman 1: I don’t know.
A.Sujin: This is the beginning of understanding whatever appears, otherwise there is no purpose of going somewhere and try to have a very good time, splendid time, very rewarding. No understanding. Even just what appears now, or whats the self now, or is there self now? Or is there no self now? So, we are talking about friendliness, its not just the word that anyone can think about, be friendly, that’s not enough, but what is it. See.
Woman 1: Is it, .. but I want to try, because I would like to feel love. That’s what..
A.Sujin: that’s natural.
Woman 1: or accept the value
A.Sujin: for everyone it’s the same feeling. But what is the understanding because Buddha taught the truth of whatever appears as it is. That is meant the enlightenment. Understanding thoroughly, deeply, as it is, but as we guess, but as we used to think about. Even the self, see, its not clear. When its not clear, it seems like, there is not self, but actually, there is, so much that it is not clear to talk about it. So you went to the meditation centre to have less attachment and more understanding? Or still clinging to get something without understanding? Even clinging is not clear, because without right understanding, who can thought of the difference between clinging and being friendly. And that is the self who does not know, when there is understanding, understanding is not anyone. It’s a reality, which can understand that which hasn’t been understood before. That’s why we learn, listen and think over it. Study, developing understanding. So the … or it is usually transmitted through meditation, what does it mean?
Woman 1: I don’t know *laughs*
A.Sujin: so it begins with no understanding, so it has more and more, no understanding and ignorance.
Woman 2: … your reasons for going on the retreat was because it seems to take an effort to always be with people, friendly and cheerful, so it was a way to withdraw, and she took it like a silence, because it has to be smile, and be associated with people.
A.Sujin: when you think of a funny thing, you smile or laugh alone. Right? Anywhere.
Woman 1: yeah.
A.Sujin: even there is a silence, but its already so funny. So it can condition laughing. Pleasant moment. And what about being friendly, in such, or what about now? Um, no more. *laugh* or it can be anywhere, and anytime. Yes, to anyone. That is the development of metta. And what do you do, in order to have more metta? There, I mean retreat to have more metta in what you do. Not like now? Or what? *laughs*
Woman 1: I don’t know.
A.Sujin: see, not understanding anything, that can be understood, anywhere, anytime too.
Man 1: what Sarah just meant that, if we find that, being among people, is a condition for us, …. aversion so that … so it does not … to be among other people,…
A.Sujin: who wants that? *laughs*
Man 1: I am just explaining. And that can be the reason to go to retreat, for some people. Because then they don’t have to interact.
A.Sujin: if one hasn’t talked about one has lobha.
Man 1: for everyone its either attachment or aversion, when we talk about people, not wholesome, very little wholesomeness if there was metta, … that would be wholesome, because its, its not attachment, its not aversion, its friendliness. Um, so it doesn’t really matter whether, for people there is attachment or aversion, but if you escape from that, somewhere else where there are no people to develop a wholesome quality.
A.Sujin: anyways, from understanding can anyone know whether its attachment or metta?
Man 1: so … a reason of company of other people, and enjoy that situation, for them, its cheesy because of the attachment, its natural.
Woman 2: and she was saying that, when we talk about, self love, or attachment for oneself, that it doesn’t seem to hurt that there is much attachment to herself, because she needs more unhappiness or difficulty, when we are discussing how there is unhappiness or sorrow, actually its because of the clinging to oneself.
Woman 1: is that clinging because you want to cling to the idea of a certain way or
Woman 2: wanting to be a certain way, wanting what is seen to be a certain way, what is heard to be a certain way, what is seen much to be a certain way. Thinking of what one would like, how long they would like it to be. And unhappy when its not like that or when one is attached to a dozen lost. So therefore that is why there is clinging to self. Even if I think, thinking of clinging, is that clinging is, it doesn’t necessarily means that it is a positive thing, but clinging is wanting more self love. I don’t know.
A.Sujin: you think that you can be friendly to those around you, in their …. When they all come out, there still have such feeling of being friendly to all of them, not at the meditation centre, but anywhere.